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24HourForums.com > Supported Forums > MrPaseo's Life Of A Modern-Day Soldier > Just some thoughts... |
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MrPaseo Original500© Member  Peace Protector
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Being back over here is bringing back some memories, many that I would rather forget. As things come to mind I'm going to jot them down here so you can see some of the stuff that runs through my mind. My mind seems to never rest, I know this sounds odd, but when I lay down at night I lay awake for hours most nights thinking about stuff I normally don't care to think about. So without further a due, here are my thoughts: 1 NOV 07: The average person lives to about 80 years old, in that time I'll guess that each of us experience death about 20 times. Be it a relative, a friend, or a co-worker, within those 80 years we experience about 20 deaths that caused some sort of discomfort. Thankfully, most of these deaths occur later in life with old age, at this time, we have come to accept the fact of death because it is coming and nothing can stop it. Since most of the deaths do not happen early in life, we do not fully grasp or even think much about death until we are older. Each time we experience death, we are changed a little inside. We all go through morning which includes depression, grievance, fear and heartache. Spread over 80 years we have time to recover and by the time it means anything, it's almost time for us to check out. In combat, I have experienced 20+ deaths within one year. The depression, greviance, fears and heartache is compounded each and every time a soldier died. With each death we change a little, we learn the value of life and how fragile it really is (To some, this is a breaking point, to others a strong point). We learn to slow down and smell the flowers, to feel the wind on our face, to appreciate the little things in life that were trivial before. Consider this, as a civilian you experience new people every day in everything you do. This interaction dilutes your conception of your friend base. Meaning, if something happened to one of those people you passes on the street, you would look at the accident in awe and then forget about it as you were driving down the street. As a soldier we do not have that vast interaction, we normally are stuck on a Forward Observation Base (FOB) with only the soldiers we deployed with. During my last deployment I was attached to a 40 man team. For eight months 99% of the time, I worked with the same 40 men. When one of them went down, the impact was devastating to everyone on the team. Multiply that by 20 deaths in a year, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder starts to make since. More later...
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24HourNut Administrator  aka Frank
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Hopefully many of us respect that when we thank soldiers and their families for the service. It's part of the risk and cost you and your family takes. Thanks for that sobering view, Ray.
 The best human beings start good new topics and vote on the better posts. |
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shirohniichan Original500© Member  Obscurius per obscurum
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My mind seems to never rest, I know this sounds odd, but when I lay down at night I lay awake for hours most nights thinking about stuff I normally don't care to think about. I hate that. Why our brains choose to focus on negative things when we really need sleep is beyond me. Reading your post reminds me why veteran soldiers in WWII sometimes avoided replacements. They watched their friends die and preferred not to go through the heartache again. Hang in there, Ray. You see a lot of things we can't even imagine. Just reading your post makes the "problems" we face here stateside seem so trivial.
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foxglovepress Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member  NON-PC!!
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"We learn to slow down and smell the flowers, to feel the wind on our face, to appreciate the little things in life that were trivial before." It's so hard to respond to this Ray. Take solace in what you said about slowing down and appreciate little things. It will sometimes be the only emotion that will keep you going. Remember in your thoughts at night, the one's who have left you, are in a better place for now...............The ones who are here, are praying for your safe return.
Justice for Mark.....Imprison Employers Who Hire ILLEGALS! |
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MrPaseo Original500© Member Peace Protector
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foxglovepress wrote: "We learn to slow down and smell the flowers, to feel the wind on our face, to appreciate the little things in life that were trivial before." Thank you for your response, I wish it was that easy, some soldiers are not very religious, thus do not believe in the after life, and the better place that you speak of. I can not speak for the masses. However when I see a baby that was killed by a mortar round and bled out on the table, or a school yard of children get Medically Evacuated, it's easy to question whether there is a God or not. I respect religion for how it brings the masses together and how it has the blue prints to walk the right path, but most of the story I can not believe is true. Maybe after I remove myself from the death and poverty (The suffering) from around the world, I succumb to the pressures or religion. Until then, I rely on my mind and my experience to do the right thing and make sound decisions. I do it for myself, I do it for you, I do it for man kind. What's right is right, if it would upset me, I will not do it to you. This topic is so deep I could go on and on. Feel free to ask specific questions, I will do my best to answer. I don't mind talking religion, just please do not try to convert me, or to "Just believe" because I believe in very little. Respectfully, Ray
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Kat Guardian1000© Member  Loon!!
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Ray, how you doing out in the sandbox? Thanks for your perspective on things, take extra care buddy and get home safe to the familt, ill keep you in my thoughts form now til your back with them Katxxxx
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MrPaseo Original500© Member Peace Protector
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Thanks Kat, I appriciate your support.
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foxglovepress Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member NON-PC!!
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Good morning Ray............It's late morning here, what time is it there? Are you guys able to have GOOD COFFEE now and then? What's the weather like this time of year? You talk about "Taking time to smell the roses". I wish I could send you some! I guess second best for me anyway, would be a good cup of coffee. I think you or someone posted an address we could send stuff. If you have a place to send to, how about some coffee or candy?
Justice for Mark.....Imprison Employers Who Hire ILLEGALS! |
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MrPaseo Original500© Member Peace Protector
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Hey fox, we are eight hours ahead of Central Time Zone. Good coffee? What's that?..lol. What did you have in mind? I would love some good coffe, and I know my boys would too. Let me know what your thinking. I do have a support me webpage have you seen it? http://webpages.charter.net/mrpaseo/Deployment%20Requests/SupportMrPaseo-1.htm I had a list up here on 24hours but the peeps over at the other sites would not come here for some reason, they asked me to move it to a different site. So I used my oen webspace and posted it there. I'll PM you the address, for OPSEC reasons I can not post in the general public. Thanks, Ray
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foxglovepress Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member NON-PC!!
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MrPaseo wrote: Hey fox, we are eight hours ahead of Central Time Zone. Good coffee? What's that?..lol. What did you have in mind? I would love some good coffe, and I know my boys would too. Let me know what your thinking. I do have a support me webpage have you seen it? YOU and the gang can look forward to some GOOD COFFEE! I will share the address with the restrictions you requested! 
Justice for Mark.....Imprison Employers Who Hire ILLEGALS! |
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Kat Guardian1000© Member Loon!!
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Ray fire that addy at me, and ill get the gals to send some stuff out as well.
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Blacksheep Pioneer100© Member 
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Ray,..want good Coffee....try this...put the grounds in a pot of boiling water and just boil 'em until the water is black as night.Pour off the water,leaving the grounds and the stuff will keep ya up for days! Ya know,..I was thinking about what you were saying about Religion and I understand....what you see cant be Gods way in the respect of the suffering... Remember this,..the bonds you form with your Brothers in the times of deep sht bring just those things about how fragile life is,into much clearer focus and make you value things deep inside you that words cant express.Some bad but then again Friend,...all of it a life learning experience where the glass can be half empty or full,depending of what you see/learn from it.Do you get my drift?Aint talking as a civilan now. I know what you mean when you say that about the topic being so "deep",because your thoughts and emotions can travel to so many other abstract area's that are so revelant yet can be so hard to put your mind into without being drifted away to a compleatly different place. Have to say,although may be way off the mark,..that in our sleep,our minds are trying to solve the problems that our conscious mind fails to realize or have time to deal with.Finding solutions to the hidden questions may be very revelant sometimes and actually may be critical.Ever awaked from a dream and find that a problem or a question you have been struggling to find the answer to just seems to come out of the blue? Those of you serving in the Hot Spots are never at rest.If your mind was not restless,it maight be a concern.It is your survival instincts serving their purpose,Bud. I'll see what this address that the others are talking about and check out your link. Send me your address if you can either by PM or e-mail and I'll keep in touch.If you or your people are needing anything or have a desire for something...tell me!!
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gwyyn Guardian1000© Member
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Just wanted to say Thank you!
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MrPaseo Original500© Member Peace Protector
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Blacksheep, Great to hear from you, as you can tell I am doing well. The Coffee has brought some smiles to the section, Fox really came through for us. Though I have to say up front, this tour I am not on the front lines, sure I am in Iraq, but diffidently away from the Mortar Rounds and the VBIEDs, though we do still encounter the occasional IED and small arms fire. This trip is diffidently safer than the last two, but all in all, with the time we as a nation have been over here, I'm happy to say that it's not as dangerous as it was in the past. Hopefully it continues to improve. As for your coffee recipe, that's the normal way to make Coffee in the Army, usually in one of those huge silver bullets, dark as hell, enough to melt the paint off the walls! Thankfully my crew does not need to stay up for days, (We have contingencies set in place to avoid over working my men, right now, we do 12 hour days, so far no one has had to work longer, though I usually do). Your words hit close to home, the religion comment, as well as the Brotherhood, yes, the brotherhood is something that I will never lose. Some just will never understand the bond. I understand that without the bad times there can be no good, so, when things are really bad, that makes you appreciate the not so significant (Not sure if that makes sense or not). I agree with your thoughts on what happens when you sleep. I believe your dreams are your subconscious mind trying to figure out reality. Sometimes it's good, sometimes not so good. For the longest time I hated closing my eyes, not just teh dreams that came but when I shut my eyes I saw things that frightened me, like there was something very large very close to me, like that feeling when you stand on a ledge with your toes hanging off and your looking straight down. The visions would keep me awake, then when I did fall asleep, my dreams would wake me. Thankfully a lot of this subsides after I am home for three months or so, I'm hoping eventually it all goes away and when I lay down and shut my eyes, I hope to be able to sleep within minutes (Which now takes hours). I removed the support page as some people harassed me about it, so you should not be able to find it on line. I've learned to not ask for anything and to live with what I have, so that is the way I will continue to live my life. If I can not afford it, I will not have it. After five deployments and MANY friends and family asking what I want and/or need on deployments I broke down and developed the support page, as soon as it was up, the rash of insults came in about how I'm supposed to decline any support because this is a voluntary Army. The accusations cut deep so I revert back to my original philosophy, if I can not provide it for myself, then I do not need it. Thanks for writing, Ray
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MrPaseo Original500© Member Peace Protector
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gwyyn wrote: Just wanted to say Thank you! It's a pleasure to serve this great nation. Ray
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24HourForums.com > Supported Forums > MrPaseo's Life Of A Modern-Day Soldier > Just some thoughts... | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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