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librtyhead Original500© Member 
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It seems my son is addicted to pushing things, wacking things and generally being a bully. Now my two daughters cried, whinned and sniveled their way to my heart. My question is " Are boys always ............wait a min he is wtf ........so rowdy?'..........? Very mucho sleepless in Suncook.
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foxglovepress Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member  NON-PC!!
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librtyhead wrote: It seems my son is addicted to pushing things, wacking things and generally being a bully. Now my two daughters cried, whinned and sniveled their way to my heart. My question is " Are boys always ............wait a min he is wtf ........so rowdy?'..........? I raised three boys and am now raising one girl. I can tell you my experience only. My son's were easy to read. They were sweet and if they got mad they were little butt's! If they got really angry with one another, Yep, they resorted in fights! Physical fights! I always knew where I stood with my boys. You can read boys! Little girls...............now that's a different story. They appear sweet and happy, when in fact, they aren't being EITHER! They cry when their happy! And are quiet when their mad! I can't read her like I could my boys! 
 Justice for Mark.....Imprison Employers Who Hire ILLEGALS! |
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librtyhead Original500© Member
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Yup! Girls are definitely more complicated! Just the other night they were both playing around in the breezeway and I yelled to my 3 yr old girl to stop picking on the 1.5 yr old boy so she put her arm around his neck and said "I love you"............then he started to scream! I look over and she is mushing his face into the screen door trying to turn his face into spaghetti.......................damn!
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Britt Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member  Learning Contentment
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Wow! That is a great question! Your question prompted me to think deeply upon this issue and to do a little research. Boys are an oft' neglected segment of our population we need to spend more time addressing. We want them to grow into strong, loving men, thus we must pay attention to their needs. You raised a great question, Librtyhead! So... Are boys hardwired to be more aggressive than girls? Short answer? No. Men need "dragons" to slay, however, and they need opportunities to be strong defenders of justice. My son is an artistic, tender soul not at all inclined to smashing things, thus I have no personal experience with overtly aggressive boys. He does need "dragons to slay," however, and he directs his need for bold action into defending justice. Injustice makes him angry, nearly seething with anger. I think men need to feel they are strong defenders, thus I encourage him to defend the cause of justice. He becomes angry (in his quiet way) when a small child is hurt by an older child, for example, or when his best friend is attacked for being African American. He is only eleven years old but he has already written a letter to the local newspaper about racism, and he has asked school authorities to address the issue of racism. I think this is healthy. My brother is like my son, artistic and tender-hearted. He expresses his need to be a champion of strength and integrity through participation in sports and volunteering at a shelter. Personally, I think excessive anger can be a problem for both sexes, thus I do not believe it is a particularly male trait. Men need their "dragons" to slay, but they also need opportunities to be nurturing and masculine. (Funny memory: My brother asked me to purchase a Barbie Doll for his GI Joe when we were kids. Barbie and Joe married in a private ceremony behind our bunk bed. My brother was a sweet kid. Now, he is a fantastic father of two little girls.) The Real Boys' Workbook According to Dr. William Pollack and Dr. Kathleen Cushamn, co-authors of The Real Boys' Workbook, boys are not hardwired to be more aggressive, they only express more aggressive behaviors because parents, teachers and society expect it of them. Drs. Pollack and Cushamn add that boys are permitted few opportunities to express emotion and therefor become burdened by anger and frustration. In short, they believe most boys are not allowed to be nurturing and kind. Instead, they are expected to be bullies and to never, under any circumstances, express feelings of vulnerability. To be vulnerable is to be a "sissy" among their peers, thus they bottle their anger deep inside themselves until it explodes in destructive anger. Boys need opportunities to express their deepest feelings, particularly with their fathers. Many boys respond with violence and aggression out of fear: Fear that they will be laughed at for having feelings, fear that they will be ridiculed for not fulfilling the "boy role," fear that they will not be "manly" if they neglect to fight. I believe very strongly that every bully is a wounded soul. People hurt other people because they are in pain. When a male child lashes out at his peer with violence, he is in effect saying, "I feel like shit so I'm going to make you feel like shit." (I have known women to do this, as well. I do not think bullying is a uniquely male phenomena. Both men and women have the capacity to exhibit this behavior.) Dr. Pollack begins the REAL BOYS WORKBOOK by debunking three widely-believed myths about boys, which he calls the Boy Code:
My recommendation? Give your son some "dragons" to slay and teach him the ways of an honorable warrior. Involve him in sports, serve with him at a soup kitchen, have him build things with his hands, give him a cause that will direct his energies into something worthy of a warrior. In addition to celebrating his need to be a strong man, I suggest giving him opportunities to express his feelings. You might plan a bi-weekly "Guys Night Out" with your son and take a walk in the woods while discussing "guy stuff." Above all, make it clear to him that it is NOT acceptable to hit or ridicule another person, not even his sisters. If anger is a problem for him, take him out and give him a place to run when he feels mad. One of my kindergarten students in 1998 was a very angry little boy. Whenever Jared was angry, I would plan private runs for us around the school grounds. He loved running with me. I discovered that he needed my time and attention more than a reason to hit someone in the face, thus his anger was simply a way to get attention. If you think about it, many boys are socialized to believe it is unmanly to ask for love or attention, so they bop someone in the face or destroy someone's property as a way to get noticed. The more loving attention I offered Jared, the less aggressive he became. In my opinion, your son needs some Guy Time with you. Go slay some dragons with your son, Librtyhead! Don't forget to share Guy Time every week to discuss your son's feelings, and be sure to surround him with love and attention. Hope it helps! 
"All that you have is your soul." --Tracy Chapman |
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librtyhead Original500© Member
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Thanks britt! I have actually given him "dragons to slay" by playing the game of "kill the ants" she screams and he comes to her rescue and squishes them.............real life drama without the distraction of adult stigma...................I feel sorry for ant-man! .on a serious note: great post will read again! Last edited on 03:56 am by librtyhead |
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Britt Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member Learning Contentment
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librtyhead wrote: Thanks britt! I have actually given him "dragons to slay" by playing the game of "kill the ants" she screams and he comes to her rescue and squishes them.............real life drama without the distraction of adult stigma. Bravo! Little Librtyhead the Valiant! 
"All that you have is your soul." --Tracy Chapman |
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