|
||||||
 |
Recent Posts | Search by username | |
Contact Us | |
Login | |
Register |
 |
 |
|||||
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
24HourForums.com > Supported Forums > Britt's Child Education > "The Expectation of Self-Sufficiency" |
| Moderated by: Britt |
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Author | Post | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
|
Britt Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member  Learning Contentment
|
  |
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 Hello! Many among us have adult children. Some of our adult children are self-sufficient and living on their own, while others are still depending on us financially and living at home. Still others of us have adult children living away from home but depending on our financial assistance. When does helping an adult child to "get on their feet" turn into enabling an adult child to remain a child forever? Eve Tahmincioglu of MSNBC Interactive writes, "...sometimes moms and dads enable Junior’s lack of success" by helping him too much. She quotes Nicholas Aretakis, author of No More Ramen: The 20-Something's Real World Survival Guide, who mentions that 14% of US families have at least one adult child in their household - a far greater percentage than 3 percent in 1970. Is this an epidemic? What are your thoughts on adult children living at home? Tough love: Help your grown child get a job Parents need to make clear that gravy train is approaching end of line By Eve Tahmincioglu updated 9:38 a.m. CT, Tues., June. 5, 2007 Is there a twentysomething unemployed kid lying on your couch? If so, you’re not alone. Quite a few parents write me about their struggling adult children, many who are fresh out of college, who just can’t get on the right career path, or any path at all. Many found the professions they had hoped to break into weren’t easy to break into. Others haven’t quite figured out what it is they want to do, biding their time in the rooms they grew up in waiting for the career fairy to show them a sign. Nicholas Aretakis, author of "No More Ramen: The 20-Something's Real World Survival Guide," notes that 14 percent of all U.S. families had at least one adult child in their household in 2005, a big increase from 3 percent in 1970. And last year the jobless rate among 20- to 24-year-olds was 8.2 percent, more than double what the rate was among the 25-plus crowd, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. “Hands on” parents who are more likely to say they are “good friends” with their sons and daughters, Aretakis says, are willing to help with the job search and give their older children room and board in hopes of providing them with all of life’s advantages. Unfortunately, sometimes moms and dads enable Junior’s lack of success. “As long as parents are supporting these kids there will be no real drive to get out of the house,” says Mindy Bingham, author of "Career Choices and Changes." The key, she says, is an “expectation of self-sufficiency.” Parents should be having that conversation with kids starting at age 13 and 14, that they will be expected to take care of themselves and hold down a job when they become adults. But for older children now is a time for remediation, she advises. Give them an adult reality check — the gravy train is coming to an end. Bingham suggests having adult kids contribute to the home by paying rent and covering all their own bills. That, she says, often puts the fire under young adults to find a career and move on. Another parent faux pas — becoming a career buttinsky. “I’ve heard of instances where parents were calling employers on their child’s behalf and asking why they didn’t get the job or where they’ve called to negotiate salaries,” says Stephen Seaward, director of career development at Saint Joseph College in West Hartford, Conn. “Meanwhile, the employer is thinking, ‘Can this student handle himself if they have to have someone do this for them? How will I ever be able to use this person to interact with customers?’” So the bottom line is, you have to strike a balance when helping your children find their career bliss. Advice, guidance, a shoulder to cry on. These are all acceptable. But this is their cross to bear, and if they don’t take on the career burden they may end up on your couch at age 30. © 2008 MSNBC Interactive
 "All that you have is your soul." --Tracy Chapman |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
Britt Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member Learning Contentment
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
My "Lack of Self-Sufficiency" Story When I was 28, my two young children and I lived with my mother and my teen-aged sisters for a year. It was difficult for all of us. I was returning to university, my children were young, and my mother had my two teen-aged sisters to worry about. Why did my children and I move in with my mother? We had become homeless after my second marriage ended and my ex-husband took everything we owned, including the children's clothing and my savings. My dear mother and sisters sacrificed a great deal to have my children and I live with them. It was not the best solution yet I felt OK about it as I was contributing financially: I paid half my mother's rent, I bought half the groceries, and - to ease my mother's burden and uphold my responsibility to my children - I cooked all the dinners and I kept the kitchen and living room spotlessly clean. I was a good guest, a clean guest, but I know my mother was unhappy. At the close of the year, I won an academic scholarship and we moved into our own apartment. I'll never forget my mother and sister's kindness. It came at a price, however, as they felt caged-in by three extra people. When we moved out, my mother was extremely happy, ha-ha. Who could blame her?
"All that you have is your soul." --Tracy Chapman |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
24HourNut Administrator  aka Frank
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
That's a good story though, Britt. You needed help and family should be a safety net, especially with children - and because you got out of it. As for grown kids at home, I see what you mean around me, with lots of couples and adults living at home, unable to afford a house on their own, or just generally being babied. I don't mind people like you that had legitimate problems but I know many of the people in my area are just enabled by parents with money or unable to emotionally kick them out.
The best human beings start good new topics and vote on the better posts. |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
Saint Forum-Blogger© Pioneer100© Member  Polymath
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
I see literally dozens of kids every year without any direction or internal self-motivation. Many have very little responsibility at home and even less at school. I've asked kids before, what are you going to do when you graduate, and I've had them tell me, "I'm living with my mom until she dies so that I can inherit the house." I personally believe that is pathetic. Others say, "My father will give me a job," which by itself is not a bad thing, but it does show a bit of a lack of focus or even personal goals. I tell them, "Don't you have any dreams of your own?" The article is right, the time to talk about self-sufficiency is 12-13. My parents were dropping hints by the time we were 12. "What are you going to do when you leave us?" "Have you figured out which college you want to go to and how to pay for it?" Better yet, smaller children should be given daily chores and responsibilities and should be rewarded to taking care of them with allowance. I also suggest that parents ought to involve children in the household finances, from paying the bills to income taxes and budgets. That's usually a quick way to show them how much it costs to live and make sure they are ready for things like renting an apartment.
A^2 + B^2 = C^2 |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
24HourForums.com > Supported Forums > Britt's Child Education > "The Expectation of Self-Sufficiency" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Site Supporters | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| Posts Of The Day | Mock Forums | WowClassic | |
Themes and most mods done in collaboration with: WowClassic - powerful forum software with the best support service.
We are partners with Forum Owner Services
Powered by - Copyright © 2003-2006 Aycan Gulez
We are partners with Forum Owner Services
Powered by - Copyright © 2003-2006 Aycan Gulez