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24HourForums.com > Supported Forums > Britt's Child Education > Teaching children to live with joy and disappointment |
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shirohniichan Original500© Member  Obscurius per obscurum
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I think too many well-intentioned people treat children as weak, fragile creatures (those who have bad intentions will mistreat them on purpose, so I leave them out of the discussion). I make it a habit of psyching my kids up for vacations. I order travel guides, get maps from AAA, and print out info from the Internet to let them know where we are going and what we're going to do there. My wife used to think this was a bad idea because she thought they would be so disappointed if an unforeseen problem kept us from making the trip. This led to a serious discussion. Shouldn't we prepare our kids and teach them to handle disappointments? No matter how much we'd like to protect them, they are going to face problems in life. I'd rather have them learn to control their tears of disappointment when they're young than to melt down when they're older. Could you imagine a teenager throwing a tantrum if she couldn't get her way because her parents shielded her from all disappointments as she went through elementary and jr. high schools? Her peers would laugh at and scorn her. Also, if we don't let them know what we're planning, aren't we robbing them of the excitement that comes from looking forward to something? I think Christmas wouldn't be nearly so enjoyable for children if it were to come at a different time every year and hit them off guard. They come downstairs one morning in April and BAM-- it's Christmas. They didn't have any time to prepare, so it would be just a nice surprise instead of "the day the entire kid-year revolved around" (as the older Ralphie reminisced in the movie A Christmas Story.) Our summer vacations should be the same way. They should be marking off the days on their calendar, packing their bags days in advance, and dreaming about all the fun they're going to have. Do you agree? How do you teach your kids to enjoy special occasions to the utmost and to accept disappointments as best as possible?
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Marie5656 Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member  Just hanging out
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You make good points. I do not have children, but do feel it is not right to hide real life from kids...and shelter them too much. As soon as I read your post, I thought of this letter, that recently appeared in Dear Abby's column. Can you believe this? Witholding contact with grandparents because they do not want the child upset when they die? ABBY: I am in my sunset years and not well. I know my time is short, but I have one bright spot in my life -- my 5- year-old grandson, "Connor." Because the little fella stayed with us after preschool and spent much time with us, my wife and I are especially fond of him. Our problem? Connor's dad (our son) and his wife (the child's mother) disapprove of our fondness for Connor. They say they don't want the boy "hurt" by my impending death and now keep him away from us as much as possible. Abby, we adore our grandchild. We're heartbroken that he is being kept away from us much of the time simply because his parents are afraid he will grieve when his Paw-Paw dies. What should we do? -- PAW-PAW AND MAW-MAW IN ALABAMA PAW-PAW: Your son and daughter-in-law mean well, but they are misguided in trying to "protect" their son from one of the inescapable realities of life. They may be trying to avoid their own issues having to do with death. You need to have a serious talk with them. Connor's relationship with you and his grandmother is a positive one, regardless of the state of your health. It might be helpful to enlist the assistance of your spiritual adviser and/or your physician. Death is a part of life, and as sad as these partings may be, children usually recover with amazing resiliency. To cheat Connor -- and you -- out of the short time you have left together is a mistake.
 
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HappyCrazyMama Guardian1000© Member
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I think it's very important to help our children learn how to handle disappointment. There's no way they can get through life without being disappointed by something, and the sooner that they learn it's not the end of the world, the better. I think it makes them stronger as they grow up and better able to handle the adult world.
Cloth diapering stylish? You betcha, come see why! |
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Amy Original500© Member  ...going with the flow...
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I agree...children must learn to accept the bad as well as the good...otherwise, life is gonna smack them upside the head pretty hard once they're on their own. The writings of my Faith actually say to 'accustom them to hardship'. I recently watched an old episode of Andy Griffith where Opie was being a sore loser...it did a nice job of explaining that there is more to life than winning. Including being genuinely happy for others when they do well.
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muddawber Guardian1000© Member 
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Amy wrote: I agree...children must learn to accept the bad as well as the good...otherwise, life is gonna smack them upside the head pretty hard once they're on their own. The writings of my Faith actually say to 'accustom them to hardship'. Doesn't this go against the grain of those in the school systems that try to go along with the philosophy that there are no losers, that everyone is a winner?
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Britt Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member  Learning Contentment
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shirohniichan wrote: Shouldn't we prepare our kids and teach them to handle disappointments? I absolutely agree, Shiro. Children must be accustomed to hardship. Not to punish them or make their life miserable, but so they understand that hardship is a natural part of human existence. We want to teach our children to be resilient in the face of adversity, not to crumble at the first sign of trouble. One way I introduced hardship to my children is saying "No" to frivolous expenses. I have always kept a strict budget and my children were aware of this budget. My children never went to a store and begged for something beyond our means. They knew our budget was limited. This taught them to be thankful for what they have. I am proud to say my grown daughter manages her money well while attending college, caring for her husband, and raising her two small children. She is only nineteen but manages her money better than most 40 year-olds! May our children be resilient and have a balanced view of life! May they accept with open hearts that life is a mixture of joy and sorrow! Above all, may they always know they are loved! 
"All that you have is your soul." --Tracy Chapman |
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cynicalninja Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member  Smiling Shinobi
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I was dropping my daugher off at school the other day and noticed a young boy kicking off and having a tantrum at the school gate. The mother didn't seem too concerned and did nothing about it, I thought to myself "I wonder if that kid has ever heard the word no before ?". Kids that are brought up to expect to get everything they want at all times will grow up to be arrogant, immature, lazy and disrespectful.
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shirohniichan Original500© Member Obscurius per obscurum
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Doesn't this go against the grain of those in the school systems that try to go along with the philosophy that there are no losers, that everyone is a winner? Unfortunately, that seems to be the case. Everyone gets a ribbon for trying. Everyone is a winner at school. Then the kid gets out into the real world and WHAM!, he gets reprimanded for substandard work at his job. WHAM! The girl he likes doesn't like him back. WHAM! He doesn't get a job he applies for because he doesn't have skills. Then he begins to think the world is against him. His boss is a jerk. The girl is a tease. His prospective employer is discriminating against him. He deserves to win but doesn't. The world isn't fair. He is a victim.
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Amy Original500© Member ...going with the flow...
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muddawber wrote: Amy wrote:I agree...children must learn to accept the bad as well as the good...otherwise, life is gonna smack them upside the head pretty hard once they're on their own. The writings of my Faith actually say to 'accustom them to hardship'. Sorry i missed this earlier... Just because something has become socially acceptable...does not necessarily mean it's right. I do believe everyone has value, and that we should reward excellence. It should be about encouraging what we're good at, not devaluing it to the point that we stop trying.  but now I'm  sorry shiro...back to our regularly scheduled discussion...  Last edited on 05-21-2008 09:02 pm by Amy |
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Britt Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member Learning Contentment
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cynicalninja wrote: Kids that are brought up to expect to get everything they want at all times will grow up to be arrogant, immature, lazy and disrespectful. 
"All that you have is your soul." --Tracy Chapman |
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HappyCrazyMama Guardian1000© Member
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I thought of this last week when one of "my" 3 yr olds was being picked up. (I run a licensed family child care) His mom had planned for them to spend the evening at his grandparents, but during the day his grandpa found out that her mom was ill so they needed to change their plans. Obviously the 3 yr old was disappointed, and it made me think of this thread and how important it is to teach children how to deal with disappointment. We can't always smooth the road for them (nor should we) but we can give them the tools they need to handle the inevitable bumps. 
Cloth diapering stylish? You betcha, come see why! |
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24HourForums.com > Supported Forums > Britt's Child Education > Teaching children to live with joy and disappointment | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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