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UsedToRide Original500© Member  ^^^That is LOVE!!^^^
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I almost posted this story in Shiro's thread about teaching kids about disappointment, but thought it would be a hijack. Most anyone who has read me for any amount of time knows I am all for holding people responsible for the things that they choose to do. In that vein of thought, what about making kids responsible, even when they are rather young? Personally, I think it is highly important for people to realize that there are repercussions for anything and everything they do. Take - for example - last summer before I started to drive again after the wreck. I found out what I had to do in order to drive and when I had accomplished this, I told my son - who had been using my car the whole time that I could not- that I needed my car keys back. Well, turns out, he could not find them. After some ass-chewing and some threatening and some attepted guilt trips, the keys still could not be found. So I called the dealership to find out what it would cost to get a new key cut. As my car is a 1995, it would be easy enough to cut a key....if the car had been sold from that lot. It had been sold from a used car dealership and Bullet could not remember which one for the life of him. Then I learned that I could have the ignition pulled, replaced with another to which I would receive the new key and be all set. To the tune of about $800. So I told my son...."this is your problem, this is your debt. If you don't find the keys, you will have to get this job done." He didn't even hold a job yet and he was looking at losing about 75% of his winnings from high school graduation and his 18th birthday to this job. I didn't tell him that a new key could be cut using a locksmith and the keyhole in the door. I wanted him to sweat, to be honest. So, a couple days after he thought it through and realized that I would take his $800 to have a new ignition put in the car, the keys were miraculously found. I would have had him pay for the more expensive job of pulling the ignition, just to teach him a lesson, too. Is this heartless or is this a good lesson for a 17-year old (at the time) young man?
 Respect some, trust one, fear none ~~Bullet http://www.freeholbrook.com The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons. ~~Dostoyevsky |
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Britt Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member  Learning Contentment
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  Awesome post, UTR!
"All that you have is your soul." --Tracy Chapman |
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HappyCrazyMama Guardian1000© Member
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I think it was a great lesson, although I'd probably have gone halfsies with him - I'm a marshmallow sometimes. But I totally agree that it's important for children to learn responsibility and the consequences of their actions. Our eldest lost his academic scholarship to college because he goofed off his freshman year. The school replaced it with grants and such, which was good financially but not so good in teaching him responsibility. We didn't tell him about the grants and let him sweat it out for a couple of weeks but I think the bottom-line lesson he learned was that he could screw up and someone would bail him out.  I try to let our kids experience the consequences of their decisions for the most part, but the more serious the consequence the more likely I am to step in - they are only children after all. It's all a balance of protecting them from things they can't handle yet and letting them learn from what they can.
Cloth diapering stylish? You betcha, come see why! |
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shirohniichan Original500© Member  Obscurius per obscurum
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You did the right thing. If at near majority he thinks someone will bail him out, he'll take that with him through his 18th birthday. I work at a car dealership, and it's amazing how many things are found once it's made clear to the employees they will have to pay for things they say they lost. I read a story (and I think it was from another forum) about a family going on vacation. When the kids repeatedly acted up and caused a fuss, the dad said he'd turn the car around and go home if they didn't knock it off. Lo and behold, when they started fighting again he did as he said and their vacation was cancelled. It must have been a huge disappointment for the kids, but I'm sure they listened to him after that.
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Saint Forum-Blogger© Pioneer100© Member  Polymath
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What you demonstrated was what is sadly lacking in many of today's parents: the ability to set limits, apply consequences, and follow through. That's the way life is and by allowing anything else, you set the child up for failure. That "Nanny 911" show is a perfect example of what happens when parents abdicate their responsibilities because they want to be their children's friend. Kids have lots of friends. It's parents they need.
A^2 + B^2 = C^2 |
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Saint Forum-Blogger© Pioneer100© Member Polymath
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Oh...another anecdote: I once asked a mother why her daughter had ditched 85 days of school. The mother's answer was a perfect example of what will happen if the parent does not set limits early in life. She said, "I can't wake her up in the morning. If I do, she'll get mad and punch holes in the wall." Who's in charge of the house now?
A^2 + B^2 = C^2 |
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Saint Forum-Blogger© Pioneer100© Member Polymath
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Sorry to triple post, but I just remembered something my mother did at an early age to teach this lesson. She was trying to teach me to put my toys. When I wouldn't do it. She began to gather up any that I had left on the floor and put them away in a box in the attic. By the end of the week I was reduced to two toys and tears. She said, "Any you don't put away, you lose. Would you like to start over and try again?" You can bet I never left a toy out again. 
A^2 + B^2 = C^2 |
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cynicalninja Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member  Smiling Shinobi
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My daughter knows her limits and that her actions will have consequences that she has to accept. I am still able to be her friend and her father though. I don't see the two roles as being mutually exclusive.
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shirohniichan Original500© Member Obscurius per obscurum
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I certainly want to be friendly to my kids, but they will know that I am their father and not just a friend. Friends come and go. Friends will let you get away with crap that is harmful to you because they don't want you to get mad at them. As a father, on the other hand, I will always be their father and I won't let them get away with stupid things that harm others or themselves.
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