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Britt Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member  Learning Contentment
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 Hello! Have an opinion about child education you would like to share? Please post it! We can all benefit from your perspective and experience. C'mon, give it a try! We want to hear your opinion.The Courage to Say "No" Guest opinion by Britt. We all know overindulged children: Children who repeatedly disrespect their parents, demand luxuries even when the family budget is limited, and exhibit a lack of respect for the boundaries of other human beings. They are the classroom bullies, the screaming kids in Wal-Mart, the neighborhood vandals. Almost universally, the parents of these children are baffled. "How did my child become like this? I gave him everything and he hates me!" Therein lies the problem: They gave their child everything. Granting every wish to a child gives him the impression he is entitled to whatever he wants. Such children learn to see themselves as the center of the universe and their parents as simply tools to use, disrespect and hate. It is no wonder that most overindulged children have behavioral problems affecting both school performance and peer relationships. When other human beings do not satisfy their whims, overindulged children become enraged: How dare anyone question their right to have whatever they want! Love demands discipline, the courage to accustom children to hardship, not to indulge their whims or leave them entirely to their own devices1. A child permitted to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, without boundaries or discipline will naturally grow to be petulant and narcissistic. He will not learn compassion or empathy, nor will he learn to appreciate his good fortune. Instead, his life will become an endless search for more things and people to satisfy his desires. In effect, he will become a bottomless pit of desire and need. If more parents recognized the power of the word "No", such children would not exist. The classroom bully must follow the rules of good conduct or suffer swift and consistent consequences; the child screaming in Wal-Mart must be told firmly, "We cannot afford that," and carted out of the store if his tantrum persists; and the neighborhood vandal must be held to the same standard as adults and punished for destruction of property. In this way, they are told "No!" and given the boundaries they so desperately need. If parents and society do not tell these overindulged children "No", many of these children will grow to become the criminals of tomorrow. It is our choice. 1 (The Universal House of Justice, Ridvan 157, 2000, p. 8)
 "All that you have is your soul." --Tracy Chapman |
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Hamster Guest
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Hi Britt! Excellent posting! We all experience either the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. I would like to do the former and teach my children the same 
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Luvdawgs Pioneer100© Member 
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From your mouth to my brother's ears!
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newbiecollector Pioneer100© Member  You can't fake real
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Great post Britt. I am not able to add advice but will say what I think is right, and it is what I think. Raising a child is, in my option, the most important thing a most people will ever do. They should be made to feel special and important, but with love and caring. Not just material or lack of displiline jesters. To say "no" and to explain why, isn't easy to do at times.............but, I think it only seems to not be easy. A zillion things in a child life, as they grow and learn, reach so far beyond material things. Discipline can only be learned by a child at an early age..........it can't be given in large and hard doses later when the are older, not if you expect them to truely understand. This was very convoluted but i think I got some of my thoughts across
Enjoy the pleasure of life Wayne |
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Britt Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member Learning Contentment
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newbiecollector wrote: Discipline can only be learned by a child at an early age..........it can't be given in large and hard doses later when the are older, not if you expect them to truely understand. You are absolutely right. Discipline must begin in the formative years before the age of five or six if it is to be effective throughout childhood. I have seen numerous examples of parents initiating discipline for the first time when their children are adolescents with disasterous results. Their teens look at them unbelieving: "Huh? You talking to me?" Generally, such parents are summarily ignored. In my case, I do not believe in spanking unless a child has placed themselves in dire physical danger. There are other more effective methods to discipline. But heh, that's another thread! Haha. 
"All that you have is your soul." --Tracy Chapman |
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newbiecollector Pioneer100© Member You can't fake real
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If a child is not raised right, an shown the right ways then it is real hard to thing they can be but what they are. If your raising a child you have to "show" them, not just tell them. If your foolish around them, not being "real". well they don't have a chance. Once again I didn't get it said just right. I can't type what I mean exactlly. But you can't raise a child around a "let's have fun home"........party time and me me......atmosphere, unless they will be that way.... That will be what they know......and believe
Enjoy the pleasure of life Wayne |
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Britt Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member Learning Contentment
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"All that you have is your soul." --Tracy Chapman |
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Hamster Guest
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It is never ok to hit a child-ever.
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Britt Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member Learning Contentment
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Hamster wrote: It is never ok to hit a child-ever. I agree. The only possible exception I can think of is a when a child has placed themselves in physical danger, and then only a light spank, but you are right: Hitting perverts a child's character. It isn't good for children. Discipline is not the same as hitting or spanking. True discipline requires much more thoughfulness and compassion. I spanked my adult daughter once when she was five years old. She ran out into traffic after being told to stay on the curb. A car nearly hit her. I was so frightened. I looked into her eyes and said, "Mommy loves you and I don't want you to die." I spanked her once on the behind. I felt terrible but I wanted to make an impression. Spanking is against my religion, in fact. Thankfully, I never spanked my son.
"All that you have is your soul." --Tracy Chapman |
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Saint Forum-Blogger© Pioneer100© Member  Polymath
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I had a P/T conference the other day with a mother of a student. The child has 86 unexcused absences. When I asked about them, the mother replied, "I can't wake him up, he'll get mad and punch a hole in the wall." Besides the fact that I now suspect that the child is abusing his parents and am legally obligated to take action, my second thought was, "You're the parent!" (Don't worry, I steered her to some parenting help classes and the proper authorities.) Unfortunately, too many parents want to be their child's "friend." They cave in when the child says, "I hate you." (A common tactic, and if it works, a permanent one.) What they don't realize is that children have lots of friends, and can get more at any time... it's parents that they need! I'll never forget a conversation I overheard between two seventh grade girls: Girl 1: (angry) "My mother is a bitch. She makes me call her wherever I am, she makes me clean my room, and I have to come home by ten on the weekend. Girl 2: (dejectedly) "Wow, your mom must really love you. My mom doesn't give a damn about where I am. She lets me do anything." As to the whole spanking issue, I think the definition of "hit" and "spank" are two different things, or should be at any rate. When a two-year old runs out in front of a car, the lesson needs to be learned, learned quickly, and retained for the sake of the child's life. A quick, open-handed swat to the butt doesn't harm a child physically, but the shock certainly engraves that lesson permanently. As a child matures, however, if parenting has been done right, that kind of thing will not only be needed less, it will become ineffective. More creative discipline, such as chores, grounding, and loss of privliges should then take it's place.
A^2 + B^2 = C^2 |
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Hamster Guest
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Britt wrote: Hamster wrote:It is never ok to hit a child-ever. I agree totally. If we are not adult enough to be able to discipline with only the mind then what sort of example are we setting for our children? That we can never evolve and they can only grow up to become rulers through physical strength? To me that's no better than the animal kingdom! Last edited on 06:20 am by |
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Britt Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member Learning Contentment
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Saint wrote: As a child matures, however, if parenting has been done right, that kind of thing will not only be needed less, it will become ineffective. More creative discipline, such as chores, grounding, and loss of privliges should then take it's place. I agree entirely. My brother and I both had friends in high school who were so non-plussed by their parents daily beatings that they simply didn't care. "She could hang me by my toenails and I wouldn't do a damn thing," one of my friends often said. It does become ineffective. More importantly, it builds resentment and destroys unity. Your account of the two girls discussing their mothers is excellent. Young people absolutely crave boundaries, and they look upon those boundaries as a sign of love and affection. My daughter is now married and has a child of her own, and she often thanks me for the "tough love" I gave her when she was insane i.e. a teenager, ha-ha. BTW...aren't the teenage years a time of temporary insanity, ha-ha? Now that I understand their brain physiology is markedly different from a "normal" adult brain, I have compassion for teenagers...but they still need to be locked up until their 35. (Naw, just kidding.) 
"All that you have is your soul." --Tracy Chapman |
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Saint Forum-Blogger© Pioneer100© Member Polymath
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Your account of the two girls discussing their mothers is excellent. Young people absolutely crave boundaries, and they look upon those boundaries as a sign of love and affection. Yep, I read somewhere that teens need and want everything that they say they don't: affection, rules, and discipline. My daughter is now married and has a child of her own, and she often thanks me for the "tough love" I gave her when she was insane i.e. a teenager, ha-ha. Same with my kid, I had a tough time of it though. When I married his mother, he was already twelve and, bless her heart, she was so busy working to support him that she had given him very little self-discipline and self esteem. I had to work double time to help him, but he is now a wonderful, loving father, decent man, and I couldn't be more proud of him. That's a common thing these days, especially with single parents. (But since both parents most likely work and work long hours now, it's the same for many two parent families) The parent works all day long, sometimes into the night. When they get home, the absolutely last thing on their minds is disciplining their child. They are so exhausted that it's hard just to find the energy to cook dinner, much less take time reading to them or playing with them. While the parent is gone, the child is quietly raising itself. I know one mother, a very decent and brutally hard working mother. She had three sons. Since she was gone from 5:00 am to 9:00 pm most of their formative years, they learned to raise themselves. Unfortunately, they missed the companionship and camaraderie of a family; the feeling of belonging you get in a family. So every single one of them turned to another place where they could get those things: Gangs. The oldest is now in prison, the middle child is up on attempted murder charges, and the youngest lost three fingers in a drug deal gone bad. It's only a matter of time until he follows his brothers to prison. I had all three of these children go through my school and of course I begged, pleaded, cajoled, threatened, and counseled them for all I was worth to leave the gangs, straighten out their lives, get some skills, and think of their future....to no avail. After all, what could I offer when they got home to a cold, empty home after school? The gangs gave them everything; love, affection, companionship, a sense of self worth. All I could offer was dire predictions and a "possible" future that must have seemed like a dream to them. (sigh) I hate to lose. When a teacher loses, the cost is measured in human life. BTW...aren't the teenage years a time of temporary insanity, ha-ha? Now that I understand their brain physiology is markedly different from a "normal" adult brain, I have compassion for teenagers...but they still need to be locked up until their 35. (Naw, just kidding.) Don't I know it. I've been on the front lines of the battle for 14 years now. I teach 15 - 17 year olds. We used to call it the "hormonal battlefield." The last six years I've specialized in alternative kids like the ones I described. It's not all bleak, I've had hundreds of successes. I meet them in Walmart and they are always so excited to show me their lives, with their new babies, new trucks, new clothes, and bright shining faces. And I think, "I had a hand in that." It's so much more rewarding than a paycheck. PS: Here's my school's website Britt, you might find it interesting. http://fc.fms.k12.nm.us/~jives/
A^2 + B^2 = C^2 |
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Britt Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member Learning Contentment
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I always dress up in a Toga and we fight this Battle around a giant triangle of masking tape in my room with foam rubber swords! I love innovative mathematics teaching methods! That truly rocks, Mr. Pythagoras. Eureka! 
"All that you have is your soul." --Tracy Chapman |
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Saint Forum-Blogger© Pioneer100© Member Polymath
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lol. Yeah, don't you just love a job where you can dress up in strange, exotic, and ecentric costumes, joke, laugh, play all day, and not get fired?
A^2 + B^2 = C^2 |
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