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Britt Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member  Learning Contentment
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 Hello! The "Spanking Debate" is a hot topic. This article from Parents Magazine offers a balanced view on both sides of the issue. Some researchers and pediatricians believe spanking leads to depression and aggression, while others believe it is a time-honored practice that should be continued. Both advocates and opponents have used religious sources to defend their positions. Is it any wonder many parents are confused? In another thread, many of you expressed your views on this subject. How do you respond to this report?Oh, and PLEASE, if you know of a report that would be useful to the readers of this forum, PLEASE POST IT. We can all benefit from your experience. Spanking: Which Side of the Fence Are You On? By Sarah Mahoney of Parents Magazine Sorting Through the Research For parents trying to understand the mountains of data on spanking, the issue is confusing. In 2002, Elizabeth Gershoff, Ph.D., assistant professor of social work at the University of Michigan, in Ann Arbor, published the mother of all spanking studies. She looked at 88 different research efforts, analyzing them for 11 different effects, including depression, relationship difficulties, aggression, and long-term compliance in the kids. Across the board, children who were spanked did worse in ten of those areas and only did better in short-term compliance. But there are credible pockets of dissent. Robert Larzelere, Ph.D., associate psychology professor at the University of Nebraska Medical Center, in Omaha, has been studying spanking for 25 years and argues that studies like Dr. Gershoff's include abusive physical punishment, such as slapping children in the face. His research has found that nonabusive spanking (typically, that means one or two openhanded swats on a child's rear) is a safe and effective form of discipline with kids ages 2 to 6, as long as it's used to back up milder forms of discipline, including reasoning with a child. The problem, he points out, is that this method only works when parents are acting calmly, not in anger. Children can tell the difference between a loving, reasoned spanking and a spanking from a parent who is ready to lose it, he says. Angry spanking is harmful. Yet many parents can't resist spanking when they're mad: 39 percent of the spanking parents who responded to our poll say that they spank on impulse, not as a planned punishment. The risk, at the extreme, is frightening. The University of Minnesota reports between 60 and 70 percent of child-abuse cases started out as a spanking. More commonly, though, impulsive parents simply wind up feeling remorseful after a spanking, which confuses children rather than making a point. "There have been times when my 18-month-old son, Branden, kept turning the power button on our stereo on and off, over and over again, no matter how often I told him to stop," says Lois Mae Byrd, 37, of Sacramento, California. "On two occasions, I put him over my knee. But it didn't work. I felt bad because I had hit him -- and he could sense that." How could one careful researcher find spanking to be not harmful while others find that it's damaging? "It's really impossible to do a definitive study on spanking because there are too many variables," says George Holden, Ph.D., a psychology professor at the University of Texas at Austin. "Some parents spank on principle, and others out of strong emotion," he says. "Some are livid; some are loving. Some spank very hard, even with objects, and do it all the time; some barely spank at all." And of course, the child's temperament plays a role as well. Spanking a sensitive child may produce an entirely different result than hitting a child who's easygoing. What's missing from spanking research, Dr. Holden believes, is information about how children see spanking. "Parents look at it from an adult point of view," he says. "The child misbehaves, the parent spanks, the child stops, and the parent thinks, 'Good, he got the message.' But kids, depending on their age, gender, or personality, may simply see the spanking as an attack. This is especially important because spanking peaks from ages 2 to 3 -- when children's strong emotional reactions to it (fear, anger, or humiliation, for example) may prevent them from focusing on the lesson the parent is trying to teach. Nor are experts clear on cultural differences. While African Americans spank more frequently than the general population (a 2004 Johns Hopkins University study, for example, found that 49 percent of black mothers of children ages 2 and under had spanked them in the prior week, compared with about 36 percent of Caucasian mothers), there's less evidence that spanking harms these kids. Jennifer Lansford, Ph.D., a psychologist at Duke University, found that although white children who were spanked exhibited more aggressive behavior as young teens, African-American children actually exhibited fewer problems. Dr. Lansford thinks her research makes an important point about the power of a cultural community. "My theory is that in many European-American families, kids experience spanking as a shameful thing -- it implies a loss of parental control that's frightening and harmful," she says. "In African-American families, spanking is seen as more acceptable." Go HERE for the rest of the story.
 "All that you have is your soul." --Tracy Chapman |
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newbiecollector Pioneer100© Member  You can't fake real
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I didn't read it all but will say. If you truely know your children, and they know you and it is a caring life, a spanking is NOT ever necessary. Personally I think it is wrong to do it. I could make any of my children "feel" disciplined without a psnlinking and with out feelin they were not loved
Enjoy the pleasure of life Wayne |
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cynicalninja Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member  Smiling Shinobi
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If you can't make a kid behave without hitting them you shouldn't have kids. I hit my daughter once when she ran into the road, it gave me such a fright I slapped her on the back of the legs, she didn't cry but I immediately felt guilty for doing it. I've never hit her again and won't ever hit her again, there is no need to, she knows the rules and I barely have to raise my voice to stop her misbehaving.
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JustifiedByFaith Pioneer100© Member  Without Jesus we fall short...
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Let em have it. Not hard, and on the butt only. God put a lot of extra padding there for more than 1 reason. 
Jesus said, "Take heed that no one deceives you." Matthew 24:4 |
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Britt Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member Learning Contentment
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cynicalninja wrote: If you can't make a kid behave without hitting them you shouldn't have kids. I agree. There are a wealth of creative discipline methods that do not include spanking or hitting.
"All that you have is your soul." --Tracy Chapman |
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Saint Forum-Blogger© Pioneer100© Member  Polymath
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I've never spanked a child either, since my son was already twelve when I married, but I don't think a swat on the butt is too bad for a child in a situation where the lesson is critical. I was going to say that I thought it would be ineffective after about 5, and that's what the report said too. I do remember getting a spanking once when I was younger. I had grabbed the bottom bottle of a pyramid of gallon jars of vinegar at a grocery store causing the whole massive stack to topple and create a tsunami of evil-smelling vinegar to roil down the aisle. Moreover, the enormous weight of the bottles and the flying broken glass would have seriously injured me if my mother had been a split second slower in pulling me out of the way. She tucked me away like a football, ran out of the store, and I got a few quick swats to the butt in the parking lot. Trust me, I never did that again. But I seem to have turned out OK anyway. One fact I'd like to throw into the debate, barbarous as it may seem to us now, spanking was the rule, not the exception, in the past and our descendants seemed to have been none the worse for it. Do you think George Washington ever got a spanking?
A^2 + B^2 = C^2 |
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Britt Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member Learning Contentment
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JustifiedByFaith wrote: Let em have it. JustifiedByFaith, I want to ask you about the Golden Rule. "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets." Matthew 7:12, King James Version. "And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise." Luke 6:31, King James Version. Does the Golden Rule not apply to children?
"All that you have is your soul." --Tracy Chapman |
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JustifiedByFaith Pioneer100© Member Without Jesus we fall short...
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Britt wrote: JustifiedByFaith wrote:Let em have it. Once again Britt...proper context and application of scriptures. Back then, it was a rod used to administer discipline on children, today, many Christians find the hand or soft paddle sufficient. Proverbs 13:24 He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly. Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him. Last edited on 06:11 pm by JustifiedByFaith Jesus said, "Take heed that no one deceives you." Matthew 24:4 |
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Britt Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member Learning Contentment
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JustifiedByFaith wrote: Britt wrote:JustifiedByFaith wrote:Let em have it. I promised Frank not to promote religious wrangling, but I must say that I find it interesting that you pick and choose quotes from the Old Testament to follow when they are not repeated in the New Testament. For example, I know you would never advocate stoning non-virgin brides to death or forcing women to marry their rapists, but these are also mentioned in the Old Testament. NOWHERE in the New Testament does it mention the necessity of spanking or hitting children. Why do you pick and choose? I thought you believed the entire Bible is infallible and to be taken literally? Sorry, I won't pursue this line of thought further.
"All that you have is your soul." --Tracy Chapman |
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JustifiedByFaith Pioneer100© Member Without Jesus we fall short...
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Britt wrote: JustifiedByFaith wrote:Britt wrote:JustifiedByFaith wrote:Let em have it. Nor I. We run into this about every time. Have a nice day...
Jesus said, "Take heed that no one deceives you." Matthew 24:4 |
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UsedToRide Original500© Member  ^^^That is LOVE!!^^^
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I find it interesting how this topic has swung. I don't look to the Bible to give me assistance in how to raise my kids, and I think each case is unique. Each parent, and each child. Do I beat my kids? Of course not. Have I ever whacked one on the fanny? Sure have. I'm not embarrassed to say that I have and would again, either. My son is too old to be spanked, but that doesn't mean he's escaped it in his youth. He is a couple months from being 18, and he's been smacked on the ass a total of 4 times. My son is respectful, polite, courteous, level-headed and has impeccable manners. This is from what I have taught him to be proper behavior, not because when he didn't do as I directed he was spanked. The last time I tanned his ass for him, he'd spoken snotty to my Granny. A quick whack on the butt, and grounding plus extra chores cleared that up and he never repeated that error. There is a vast difference between a slap on the butt and beating your kids. There are many points in between and much to consider. I don't see spanking as a harmful thing to my children at all. It was last resort and used to make the mistake they made unforgettable. Anyone else were ever to try to spank one of my kids, it would be a grave error. Last edited on 11:04 pm by UsedToRide Respect some, trust one, fear none ~~Bullet http://www.freeholbrook.com The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons. ~~Dostoyevsky |
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24HourNut Administrator  Body pillows rock!
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We don't beat or spank or hit our kids but I am proud to say I will give them a whack on the rear end as they go up the stairs if I am punishing them for something serious, like hurting their younger sibling or something. This whack doesn't hurt any more than when we are play fighting but because it is during a punishment and me sending them to their room, it upsets them. It's really just my middle kid, actually, he's a trouble-maker big time! He doesn't "get it" like most kids get. He gets a TON of diversified support, in and out of school, and is coming along, but he needs hard ball. He takes twenty normal standard soft punishments, unfortunately, where most kids need two. Also, while I don't spank or hit, they know a giant figure might descend upon them suddenly and grab them in a way that hurts them or is very unpleasant should I catch them doing something really wrong. I am generalizing of course, and this doesn't happen much at all. But I do feel that a little physical reinforcement is very useful, especially for certain types of kids that don't really respond to other tactics. The threat or possibility of swift unpleasantry is the best deterrent for many things - this goes for criminals too. Most fear the immediate gun shot, pipe hit to the head, or dog bite more than the threat of you calling the police as they enter your home. I know it is poor to compare a child to a criminal, but the swift punishment is usually best. I see how other parents will beg their kid to listen in a doctor's office as the kid is touching things or not listening, playing with opening doors (I am talking about kids 4 years old or so that know better). The parents are annoying because it is obvious they ask and beg and negotiate too much and don't back it up quickly - the kid has no fear. If you saw me in a doctor's office and one of my kids is touching something, I only have to say it once because they know, literally, within 2 seconds I will be grabbing them in a way they don't like because I can't put them in their room, etc. I would rather spend 95% of my time as quality time with them - playing, learning, etc. instead of what I see many other parents doing which is being too soft and asking for things 40 times as the kid has too little fear. Swift punishment, more quality time, less bad behavior. Part of swift punishment does, in my opinion, benefit from a little whack on the rear for emphasis or a grab on the arm that they remember.
The best human beings start good new topics and vote on the better posts. |
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UsedToRide Original500© Member ^^^That is LOVE!!^^^
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24HourNut wrote: We don't beat or spank or hit our kids but I am proud to say I will give them a whack on the rear end as they go up the stairs if I am punishing them for something serious, like hurting their younger sibling or something. This whack doesn't hurt any more than when we are play fighting but because it is during a punishment and me sending them to their room, it upsets them. It's really just my middle kid, actually, he's a trouble-maker big time! He doesn't "get it" like most kids get. He gets a TON of diversified support, in and out of school, and is coming along, but he needs hard ball. He takes twenty normal standard soft punishments, unfortunately, where most kids need two. Also, while I don't spank or hit, they know a giant figure might descend upon them suddenly and grab them in a way that hurts them or is very unpleasant should I catch them doing something really wrong. I am generalizing of course, and this doesn't happen much at all. But I do feel that a little physical reinforcement is very useful, especially for certain types of kids that don't really respond to other tactics. The threat or possibility of swift unpleasantry is the best deterrent for many things - this goes for criminals too. Most fear the immediate gun shot, pipe hit to the head, or dog bite more than the threat of you calling the police as they enter your home. I know it is poor to compare a child to a criminal, but the swift punishment is usually best. I see how other parents will beg their kid to listen in a doctor's office as the kid is touching things or not listening, playing with opening doors (I am talking about kids 4 years old or so that know better). The parents are annoying because it is obvious they ask and beg and negotiate too much and don't back it up quickly - the kid has no fear. If you saw me in a doctor's office and one of my kids is touching something, I only have to say it once because they know, literally, within 2 seconds I will be grabbing them in a way they don't like because I can't put them in their room, etc. I would rather spend 95% of my time as quality time with them - playing, learning, etc. instead of what I see many other parents doing which is being too soft and asking for things 40 times as the kid has too little fear. Swift punishment, more quality time, less bad behavior. Part of swift punishment does, in my opinion, benefit from a little whack on the rear for emphasis or a grab on the arm that they remember.  And.....<sniff sniff> what's that? Oh yeah, it's the scent of the impending semantics battle.
Respect some, trust one, fear none ~~Bullet http://www.freeholbrook.com The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons. ~~Dostoyevsky |
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Britt Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member Learning Contentment
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24HourNut wrote: Also, while I don't spank or hit, they know a giant figure might descend upon them suddenly and grab them in a way that hurts them or is very unpleasant should I catch them doing something really wrong. This made me laugh knowingly. My father is quite an imposing figure, 6'4" and all Dutch/German muscle, ha-ha. All he had to do was LOOK at my brother and I sideways and we immediately became quiet. He never had to touch us. Just the threat was enough for us, hahaha. His mother, my dear Grandma, used the Wooden Spoon Method. She would simply open the large utensil drawer which housed her feared Wooden Spoon and every one of her grandchildren would disappear in a flash, ha-ha. Never in my life have I seen her actually USE the thing. My brother and I were very respectful and well-mannered kids. I remember he and I observing the unruly children of the various nurses my father dated and commenting to one another, "Oh, no. That one's gonna get the wrath of Dennis," or "Bad mistake, shouldn't act like th | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
