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Marcia Brehmer Original500© Member  World Citizen
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Parents definitely need to have MANY tools in their parenting tool bag. And you have to adjust the "punishment" to fit the crime, so to speak. You also have to take into account the child's age and development stage. And begin early when they are toddlers!  Both of my kids are now adults and I have one granddaughter who is 21 months old. As my kids grew I learned various methods through books, videos, workshops, etc. The book/video: "1-2-3 Magic" is a great tool for effective time outs. And I have already mentioned skill training by using the parent coaching cards at http://www.parentcoachcards.com. Also another good resource for teaching virtues is the Virtues Project at http://www.virtuesproject.com And the need for giving choices that one can live with is also part of the tool bag as well as setting rules and consistent consequences, and being a positive role model (children often copy what they see) And for the most part I found that spanking was the LEAST effective way of disciplining my kids who have grown up to be wonderful people.  Blessings, Marcia
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bjork73 Pioneer100© Member  Official Forum (T)reasoner
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I was spanked as a child, from ages 3 to 9, often with a belt (always on the behind), usually by my father but occasionally by my mother as well, often done out of anger. My father was physically abused/beaten (and from what I've heard, sexually as well), and I thank him and the powers that be that it got nowhere near that far. I have never thought that my parents had physically abusive intentions, but I struggle with the question of whether or not their actions actually constituted abuse. I do know that my father was mentally and emotionally abusive to me, my brother, and my mother, and that my mother's actions likely stemmed out of frustration and a desparation of sorts. Given all of this, I doubt I would ever have childen (the "my childhood was probably too messed up for me to be a healthy parent ALL THE TIME" logic is being applied here), but I know I would NEVER raise a hand to my child should one be produced, and if I EVER did I would seriously feel like offing myself. My general feeling that is that if people had children based on their readiness to handle raising them in a responsible and effective manner, worries about the human population would not be an issue 
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Britt Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member  Learning Contentment
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bjork73 wrote: My general feeling that is that if people had children based on their readiness to handle raising them in a responsible and effective manner, worries about the human population would not be an issue I agree with you 100%, bjork73. Bless you for having taken the difficulties of your early childhood and made them a foil against the wonderful person you have become. You certainly learned what NOT to do from your father's behavior. It is loving and kind of you to also acknowledge the good qualities of your father. Life is never so cut and dry, and people are never entirely bad or entirely good, but somewhere in between. I think it shows great maturity to recognize both the negative and positive traits in our parents. I like it that you thank your father for having not inflicted the sum of his pain from childhood on you. I get the feeling he gave you a childhood vastly better than his own. That definitely is a gift. Of course, no abuse would have been preferable. 
 "All that you have is your soul." --Tracy Chapman |
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bjork73 Pioneer100© Member Official Forum (T)reasoner
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Thanks for the kind words Britt  I guess I never really offered an opinion on spanking beyond my experiences and what I would do/not do. I wouldn't necessarily say ALL spanking is bad, but for it to be effective in changing behavior AND non-damaging/confusing to the child, it would have to be part of a wholly consistent system of punishment and never done in anger. I think that would be an incredibly tough standard to live up to all the time...
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Hamster Guest
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bjork73 wrote: I was spanked as a child, from ages 3 to 9, often with a belt (always on the behind), usually by my father but occasionally by my mother as well, often done out of anger. My father was physically abused/beaten (and from what I've heard, sexually as well), and I thank him and the powers that be that it got nowhere near that far. I have never thought that my parents had physically abusive intentions, but I struggle with the question of whether or not their actions actually constituted abuse. I do know that my father was mentally and emotionally abusive to me, my brother, and my mother, and that my mother's actions likely stemmed out of frustration and a desparation of sorts. Given all of this, I doubt I would ever have childen (the "my childhood was probably too messed up for me to be a healthy parent ALL THE TIME" logic is being applied here), but I know I would NEVER raise a hand to my child should one be produced, and if I EVER did I would seriously feel like offing myself. My general feeling that is that if people had children based on their readiness to handle raising them in a responsible and effective manner, worries about the human population would not be an issue It is this repeating pattern that we need to break before we can move on.
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shirohniichan Original500© Member  Obscurius per obscurum
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In my opinion, "discipline" and "spanking" or not the same thing, however. Discipline does not have to include spanking. It truly IS possible to raise loving and responsible adult children without spanking or hitting them. There is no necessary connection between discipline and spanking. Spanking is one form of discipline, and not all children need it. Some, on the other hand, need it and don't get it. I had to leave the condo I was staying in with my family and my in-laws so I wouldn't spank my brother-in-law's son or my sister-in-law's son. Both are out of control, and they do not listen to warnings and reasoning. The former is 4 and the latter is 6. They continually screamed when others were trying to sleep, and they also walked on the furniture (including tables and the tops of chairs). I warned them and even grabbed them by the arm to make them look into my eyes when I spoke to them, but since their parents didn't do anything, they went right back to their bad behavior and occasionally glanced over at me to see what I would do. Since I didn't want my in-laws to be mad at me for spanking their sons, I took my older daughter with me and left for the day. My wife thinks one of her nephews simply "doesn't get it" when he is reprimanded. When she has stopped him for some bad behavior right after she warned him not to continue it, she said he gives her a blank look like he didn't understand what he was just told. If this is the case, a quick smack on the bottom would do a lot more than telling him things he can't understand. He'll know not to keep hitting his brother, breaking things, or screaming while others are sleeping to avoid the punishment even if he can't understand why his actions are wrong (after repeated attempts at lessons). Discipline should be administered to fit the child's needs.
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shirohniichan Original500© Member Obscurius per obscurum
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bjork73 wrote: My general feeling that is that if people had children based on their readiness to handle raising them in a responsible and effective manner, worries about the human population would not be an issue Yea, verily. A big problem in the US is that children are raising children. This isn't necessarily related to age. There are mothers and fathers in their 20's and 30's who are still immature and unfit to be parents. 
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PinkAngel25 Original500© Member 
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I'll admit that when my daughter was younger (between the ages of 2-5) she did get spanked. The thing was it was usually on the butt Occasionally on the hand when she was touching things she shouldn't have been, she never had any marks or anything. She's 6 now & we haven't spanked her in almost a year. Now when she lies or hits we put a dab of hot sauce in her mouth.. we quickly found it didn't work because she likes hotsauce. We recently started grounding her to her room or no TV. When she grounded it's usually like 30-45 minutes sitting there thinking of what she did & why she got in trouble. I don't think there is anything at all wrong with a little spanking. Sometimes it's all you can do to get through to them when they've done something that they aren't supposed to. Most times Tiffany acts like an angel now. She's never in trouble. In my opinion if you leave a welt or mark on them then that's abuse & it should be reported. I should also say we've never hit her with a belt or paddle just our hands.
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24HourNut Administrator  Body pillows rock!
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The hot sauce thing is going to freak people out.
The best human beings start good new topics and vote on the better posts. |
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shimmy Original500© Member 
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I never spanked any of our kids (3). We just talked to them and tried to explain Right and Wrong. Kids are grown up now 18, 21 and 23... they have turned out great, no fighting and well behaved. I could go into tons of details but you all kow what is best for your own... 
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Britt Forum-Blogger© Original500© Member Learning Contentment
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shimmy wrote: I never spanked any of our kids (3).
"All that you have is your soul." --Tracy Chapman |
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JustifiedByFaith Pioneer100© Member  Without Jesus we fall short...
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Just checking in to make sure them children are getting thier daily spankings & love? 
Jesus said, "Take heed that no one deceives you." Matthew 24:4 |
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Luvdawgs Pioneer100© Member 
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shimmy wrote: I never spanked any of our kids (3). I always thought you are a great father!
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librtyhead Original500© Member 
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spank: getting close to a 120/3 amp service,touching a sharp object etc. not spank:crying (for whatever reason) children need to cry, it's in their character. I have not read this entire thread, just replying to the original question(highly unusual for me!)................but I have never had a problem w/kids they kindof end up with me @ any social event, maybe I have more tolerance, whatever the reason they seam to gravitate to me but I have seen adults with worse problems! maybe they never had a me to go to.
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shimmy Original500© Member
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Luvdawgs wrote: shimmy wrote:I never spanked any of our kids (3). Thanks Susan 
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