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Luvdawgs
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Posted: 02:14 pm

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Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

And finally,

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.


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foxglovepress
Forum-Blogger^©
Original500^© Member

NON-PC!!

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MyJob:	Love my FAMILY, COUNTRY and Dogs!!
MyForum:	Politics- Religion- Open Tal
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Posted: 07:05 pm

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Luvdawgs wrote: Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

And finally,

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

WHY DIDN'T I SEE THIS BEFORE? I AM PRINTING IT, MAKING SEVERAL COPIES, AND THANK YOU LUVDAWGS...................THIS IS THE BEST! Except for the paw print on MY plate, it's everything my two do! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING THIS! ::thumbs::

Justice for Mark.....Imprison Employers Who Hire ILLEGALS!

Luvdawgs
Pioneer100^© Member

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Location:	Virginia USA
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MyJob:
MyForum:	Pets, Open Talk, Family,Food
MyLove:	My husband and my dog
MyWish:
MyFile:
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MySex:	female hetero
Status:	Offline
MyPOTD:

Posted: 03:42 am

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I'm very pleased that you liked this, Foxie! ::huggers::

It was sent to me by a very good friend.

Makarovii
Original500^© Member

Privyet tovarishi!

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Posted: 07:33 am

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I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.
A California King to be exact...

Attachment: (Downloaded times)

Luvdawgs
Pioneer100^© Member

Joined:
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MyResume:
MyJob:
MyForum:	Pets, Open Talk, Family,Food
MyLove:	My husband and my dog
MyWish:
MyFile:
MyIntro:
MySex:	female hetero
Status:	Offline
MyPOTD:

Posted: 07:39 am

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Your cats are so cute! :heartbeat:

Privyet tovarishi!

Joined:
Location:	Long Beach, California USA
Posts:	281
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MyJob:	To keep She Who Must Be Obeyed happy!
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MyFile:
MyIntro:
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Status:	Offline
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Posted: 07:51 am

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Luvdawgs wrote: Your cats are so cute! :heartbeat:

Thank you. Sadly we lost two of them this year. ::vsad::


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Joined:
Location:	Virginia USA
Posts:	4389
MyResume:
MyJob:
MyForum:	Pets, Open Talk, Family,Food
MyLove:	My husband and my dog
MyWish:
MyFile:
MyIntro:
MySex:	female hetero
Status:	Offline
MyPOTD:

Posted: 07:58 am

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Current time is 07:19 am

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