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24HourForums.com > The Top 10 Supported Forums > 24's Laugh It Up > getting old?

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Luvdawgs
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 Posted: 12:08 am

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 Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the
very 
elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she
replied. 
"Two years older than me."

"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.

She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you
think is the 
best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.

She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The nice thing about being se ni le is you can hide your own
Easter eggs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've sure gotten old!  I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement, 
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind,
can't hear 
anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different
medications that make 
me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with
dementia. Have 
poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't
remember if 
I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still
have my 
dr i ver's license.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's 
permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I
decided to take 
an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped
up and 
down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my
leotards on, the 
class was over.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her
preacher she had 
two final requests. First, she want e d to be cremated, and
second, she 
wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?"

"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not
as sharp 
as it used to be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill
out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee
maker. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For
fast relief." 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow
old 
because you stop laughing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(THIS IS THE BEST ONE)

--- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the
people I 
never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the 
eyesight to tell the difference.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10
others. Oh 
heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who
they are!

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Hogsnorts
Original500© Member


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 Posted: 12:15 am

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gave me a great laugh. TY

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KarazePapa
Original500© Member

Montana Mountain Man
Joined: 
Location: Big Sky Country, Montana USA
Posts: 1732
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 Posted: 11:10 pm

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--- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the
people I 
never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the 
eyesight to tell the difference.
 

Oh me oh my this is me

 Current time is 11:43 am
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